


Semper Fichus

by dance_the_code



Series: Conference Wives [4]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Plants, Sex, random things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-26
Updated: 2008-03-22
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:06:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 7,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7229308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dance_the_code/pseuds/dance_the_code
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie notices changes after Ian moves in</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Semper Fichus  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 318  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Charlie notices changes after Ian moves in  
Note: Conference Wives

Alan had officially moved out and with him a variety of family memorabilia that Charlie had taken for granted.

Charlie did not want to raise a fuss, he was uncertain how his father might react, but it was strange to turn corners and find photographs that had been in the house since he before he was born missing, empty nails waiting.

Charlie started hanging pictures of Isaac, Don and Cooper, Eva and Alexis and the one and only picture he had of himself with Ian and Isaac, one taken by Ian’s Uncle Eugene at Christmas.

Other things were changing as well, his father’s study was now Ian’s and Charlie commissioned gun cabinets and display cases to match a desk and bookcase for Ian’s birthday.

Isaac’s bedroom was Charlie’s old bedroom, the walls repainted with chalkboard paint and a picture of Don’s FBI team in full tactical gear sat on top of a low bookcase by the window, next to a picture of Charlie with Eva and Alexis.

The biggest change, however, was the sudden infiltration of fichuses or was it fichi?

Every available window had a fichus. There was a fichus planted on either side of every entrance to the garage.

In essence – an entire platoon of fichuses…fichi.

Charlie was certain he was now living the punch-line of some odd marine corps joke.

What do you call a marine house plant?

A Semper Fi-chus

Or

How did the Marine Corps platoon find the location for their commander’s house warming party?  
They sought the house with the most Semper Fichi.

Something of that nature, the type of jokes you would find on popsicle sticks.

Either way, it was a sign that the sniper had definitely settled in.

There was adequate cover all over the place.

Charlie smiled. It was kind’ve romantic in its own little way.

He spread the Marine Corps insignia afghan out over the couch.

Semper fichus.


	2. Getting to Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Cooper try to get to know Alan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> –Conference Wives

Title: Getting to Know You  
Pairing/Characters: Ian, Cooper, Alan  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 64  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Ian and Cooper try to get to know Alan  
Disclaimer – if you recognize it, its not mine.  
Note: –Conference Wives

 

Ian and Cooper stood as stiff as though a single move would result in a strike from a poisonous snake.

Both mentally hoped that Don and Charlie would suddenly appear over the hill and provide some sort of buffer.

“Boys! Don’t just stand there, we have eighteen holes to cover.” Alan smiled.

The similarity to Don and Charlie’s smiles did not soothe either agent.


	3. I have a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a minor incident in the building where Ian holed up to snipe a target and now, well…Charlie gets to deal with it.

Title: I have a dream  
Characters: Don, Charlie/Ian  
Word count: 200  
Rating: G  
Series: Conference Wives  
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, not mine.  
Author: Dance_the_code  
Prompt Rewind: Dream  
Summary: There was a minor incident in the building where Ian holed up to snipe a target and now, well…Charlie gets to deal with it.

Charlie watched Ian from across the room. The sniper was swaying back and forth on the couch and singing.

Singing

This wasn’t a bad thing, Ian did have a lovely voice, but Charlie was pretty sure that Ian was a little mixed up.

Charlie called Don.

“Eppes.”

“Don…did something happen to Ian? He seems a little scrambled.”

“Uh, yeah…Charlie, there was a chemical leak in the building he was holed up in, we had called him in due to a possible hostage situation. He had a bit of a reaction to the chemicals, doctors say he should be fine in a couple hours. Everything okay?”

“Don, he’s sitting on the couch swaying and singing ABBA’s I have a dream using the words to Dr. King’s I have a dream speech and the two things don’t exactly go together all that well.”

“Charlie, just treat it like you did when he was all doped up when he had the freshman flu.”

“He’s not pretending to snipe things with a lamp, Don, he’s all hippified.”

“Hippified? Is that a word, Chuck?”

“Don, he’s stoned and having his own personal version of Woodstock on the couch.”

“Free love, Charlie.”

“You are not helpful.”


	4. Island in the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a minor incident in the building where Ian holed up to snipe a target and now, well…Charlie gets to deal with it.

Title: Island in the Sun  
Characters: Don, Charlie/Ian  
Word count: 240  
Rating: G  
Series: Conference Wives, follows [I have a dream](http://numb3rs100.livejournal.com/921785.html#cutid1)  
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, not mine.  
Author: Dance_the_code  
Prompt: Island  
Summary: There was a minor incident in the building where Ian holed up to snipe a target and now, well…Charlie gets to deal with it.

Charlie hung up on Don in frustration. Ian was still singing and swaying.

Maybe a different song would help, because Ian was still trying to make the syllables match up and that was a feat that was not going to happen.

Charlie cautiously approached Ian. “Ian?”

“Charlie! I love you!”

“I love you too, Ian…I hate to tell you this, but you have the wrong words to the song you’re singing.”

“Oh….that’s not good.”

“No, no it’s not and I don’t know the right words so I can’t help you. Maybe you should sing something else.”

Ian seemed to be deep in thought for a moment.

Charlie was a bit concerned about that as Ian seemed to have the current mental facilities of a microwaved rutabaga.

“Okay…” Ian was quiet a moment longer and then began to sing again.

“This is me, I land in the sun, where people have boiled carrots and onions…”

Charlie blinked a few times and called Don back.

“Eppes.”

“Can I sedate him?”

“What? No, Charlie adding a sedative to the chemicals he inhaled would be a bad plan.”

“Okay.”

“Is it really that bad, Chuck?”

“Don, I don’t even know what he’s trying to sing now.”

“That doesn’t surprise me, Chuck, your taste in music is a little…well, let’s just say that being a prodigy does not mean you have to listen to prodigy.”

“I have to go now, Don, he’s added dance steps.”


	5. Never Admit Defeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian has trouble with his vehicle's backseat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives. Anyone you recognize is not mine.

Title: Never Admit Defeat  
Pairing/Characters: Ian, Don/Cooper  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 218  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Ian has trouble with his vehicle's backseat  
Note: Conference Wives. Anyone you recognize is not mine.

He read the instructions again.

Thread the harness through the straps and the covered flap

Simple

In fact he read the damn things in French and Japanese in case he was missing something.

He muttered curses under his breath and kneeling on the floor of the backseat attempted once again to get the blasted thing secured.

He nudged it.

It wobbled.

Ian fixed the forward-facing toddler seat with its five point harness system and added safety and security measures with a menacing glare.

The kind of glare that would have sent hundreds of terrorists running home to their mothers, if they had been close enough to see it.

He nudged it again.

It still wobbled.

It was not supposed to wobble.

He cursed more and tried again.

In disgust, he vacated the backseat and picked up his cell phone.

Enough was enough, he was getting a new car, one with an integrated toddler seat.

Don sat down on the front stoop with Cooper, passing Cooper a beer.

“You do realize he’s going to kill you when he figures out you removed the screws from the back of the pre-assembled seat, right?”

Cooper looked innocently at him, setting the handful of screws down on the step to take the beer. “Me? Why would I do a thing like that?”


	6. Poems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cooper tries to teach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> –Conference Wives

Title: Poems  
Pairing/Characters: Cooper, Don  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 300  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Cooper tries to teach  
Disclaimer – if you recognize it, its not mine.  
Note: –Conference Wives  
Note 2: Okay - I just read another fic and I guess I'm not the only one that thought of the poem immediately... but here's my take on the prompt.

“Okay kid, one more time: Baa Baa.”

“Agen Cooper, Why would I wanna say that?”

“It’s part of the poem, kid, it’s the only poem I know that’s not dirty.”

“You can put the poems in the wash.”

“That won’t help these poems, come on kid, Baa Baa.”

“Agen Cooper you sounds like a sheep.”

“It’s the beginning of the poem, kid, work with me here.”

“Agen Cooper, I can’t work with you, I’m too little to be an Agen.”

“No, just say Baa Baa.”

“Can I say something else? I don’t wanna say Baa Baa.”

“Kid, it’s a poem about a sheep, can you just say Baa Baa?”

“Agen Cooper? Why do you know a poem about a sheep?”

“I know a poem about a lady from Poughkeepsie too, but you’re not going to learn that one.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re too little, you need to know the one about the sheep first.”

“Can I learn the other one tomorrow?”

“No, you have to be older.”

“Okay. How does it go again?”

“It starts Baa Baa.”

“They both start the same?”

“No, the other one starts there once was a lady from Poughkeepsie”

“That sounds like a better poem.”

“It is a better poem, but you can’t learn that one until you’re older.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s dirty.”

“You can put it in the wash.”

“No, Isaac, you can’t wash poems.”

“No?”

“Nope, come on kid, Baa Baa Black Sheep.”

“Why is the sheep black? Was it playing in the mud?”

“Maybe…come on kid, Baa Baa Black Sheep.”

Don walked in. “What are you two doing?”

Isaac looked up. “Agen Cooper is teaching me poems about dirty things.”

Don quirked an eyebrow as Cooper put up his hands.

“Honest, Don, I’m just trying to teach him Baa Baa Black Sheep.”


	7. Bubbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bath time goes awry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Bubbles  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie/Ian, Isaac  
Rating/Category: G  
Word Count: 329  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Bath time goes awry  
For Admiral Andrea, who wanted/needed happy fic  
Note: Conference Wives

Charlie calculated the ratio of bubble bath to water, twice and then added the appropriate amount, watching as the bubbles filled the tub.

Isaac grinned, wrapped in a towel, waiting for daddy to make certain the water was not too hot and not too cold.

Charlie leaned over the tub, swishing the water back and forth, measuring temperature and depth, calculating the rate at which water left the faucet.

Isaac slid off the stool next to the tub and picked up the bottle of bubble bath, squirting the pretty green liquid into the tub, right beneath the running water.

He set the bottle back down as Charlie turned around. “Okay, Isaac, almost ready.”

Isaac grinned and nodded, watching the mountain of bubbles grow behind his daddy, sliding slowly over the edge of the tub and onto the floor.

Charlie scooped Isaac up and turned back around to set Isaac in the tub only to find himself face to face with a wall of bubbles.

At the sound of Charlie’s startled cry, Ian burst into the bathroom, gun drawn.

Charlie sat next to the tub, the water turned off, holding the half-empty bottle of bubble bath and muttering about the need for an algorithm to determine exactly how fast Isaac could get into trouble or messes, while Isaac stood on his stool and made a bubble man out of the mountain of suds.

Ian holstered his firearm as Isaac gave his daddy a bubble yarmulke.

“Do you want me to scoop the bubbles out of the tub, Charlie?”

Charlie shook his head. “With the relative humidity of the bathroom they should dissipate to the point that I can put Isaac in the tub and still know where he is within the next twenty minutes, less if he continues to play with them.”

Ian shook his head and leaned down to give Charlie a soft kiss.

Isaac giggled, scooped up a mounded handful of bubbles and blew them into the air.


	8. In Your Hide Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian teaches a skill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: In Your Hide Out  
Pairing/Characters: Ian, Don/Cooper, Charlie  
Rating/Category: G  
Word Count: 120  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Ian teaches a skill  
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it is not mine.  
Note: Conference Wives

Don and Cooper sat contentedly on the couch, watching the game, drinking the Kosher beer that Charlie now kept stocked in the fridge.

Charlie was in the kitchen, preparing latkes for dinner.

Ian quietly prepared a water-balloon launcher, while Isaac watched with interest.

Completely silent, sniper and toddler crept into the living room.

Completely silent, they waited.

Two sets of eyes, quiet, intent and focused, watched every move.

Cooper turned to catch Don’s lips in a kiss as the game dissolved into commercials.

One little, tiny hand gave the signal.

Ian flipped the switch and scooped Isaac up to retreat to a more defensible position, as the balloon burst on the back of Don’s head, soaking both he and Cooper.


	9. Cereal Murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie, Ian, Don and Cooper, interrogate the suspect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> –Conference Wives. [Master List ](http://dance-the-code.livejournal.com/2029.html)

Title: Cereal Murder  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie/Ian, Don/Cooper  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 240  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Charlie, Ian, Don and Cooper, interrogate the suspect  
Disclaimer – if you recognize it, its not mine.  
Note: –Conference Wives. [Master List ](http://dance-the-code.livejournal.com/2029.html)

Ian rubbed his forehead. “One more time, please.”

“Daddy said that sometimes the agens use bugs to find out what is going on in places they can’t go.”

Don looked at Charlie. “Yeah, that’s right…but we need to get permission first.”

Cooper leaned back in his chair. “Where did you get the bugs?”

“The backyard.”

Charlie shook his head. “Where did you put them, Isaac?”

“In the cereal box, after breakfast.”

Charlie looked at the evidence spread across the counter, the cereal, the bugs, the broken bowl in the sink where he dropped it when he had poured out the cereal and discovered the bugs.

Don cleared his throat. “Isaac, you are allowed in the kitchen…why did you need to put bugs in the cereal.”

Isaac looked at Don like he was crazy. “Agen Don, of course I can go in the kitchen…but I can’t go with you to the office where all the agens is at and I can’t always go to Calsci with daddy and I can’t, as in absolutely no, go with Agen Eggtown when he snipes, an all of you eats the cereal…”

Cooper started to snicker. “Well, this might explain the centipede in your jacket pocket, Eppes.”

Isaac looked disgruntled, crossing his arms. “That one didn’t work.”

Charlie shook his head. “Okay, someone is getting a time out.”

Ian looked at the mess on the counter. “And someone else is calling an exterminator…just in case.”


	10. Covered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaac tries to learn another Agent skill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Covered  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie, OMC(Isaac)  
Rating/Category: G  
Word Count: 159  
Spoilers: none  
Summary: Isaac tries to learn another Agent skill.  
Note: Conference Wives  
Disclaimer – if you recognize it, it’s not mine.

It was something that he just had to learn.

The agens all did it, they had been talking about it at dinner.

Except this was kinda hard cause you can’t see where you’re going.  
  
Maybe he needed a smaller blanket.

No, that wasn’t right, cause if he used a smaller blanket the bad guys would be able to see his feet and that wouldn't be good.

Charlie sat on the desk in the garage trying to determine whether his son was quietly informing him that he wanted to be a ghost for Halloween or if his sheets needed to be washed or if this was some game that Eva and Alexis would understand, because he was certain that people pretending to be ghosts made at least some noises.

He didn’t want to feel stupid, but that was exactly how he felt as he cleared his throat. “Um, Isaac? What are you doing?”

“Daddy! Shhhhh! I’m on a covered mission!”


	11. Scene of the Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two witnesses who refuse to divulge any information

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> –Conference Wives.

Title: Scene of the Crime  
Pairing/Characters: OMCs, Charlie/Ian  
Rating/Category: G  
Word Count: 163  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Two witnesses who refuse to divulge any information  
Disclaimer – if you recognize it, its not mine.  
Note: –Conference Wives.

The kitchen was a mess.

An absolute mess, in fact Charlie was convinced he did not have enough vocabulary to describe the mess that covered the kitchen.

There was flour and egg and sugar and maple syrup everywhere.

He looked at Isaac, who was managing to look amazingly innocent, even though half of what covered the kitchen actually covered him.

Charlie looked at Smith and Wesson.

They wagged their tails.

Ian was coming home from a case in Reno and HIS kitchen, Charlie had started mentally and audibly referring to the kitchen as a space belonging to Ian almost as soon as he moved in, was a disaster area.

Charlie looked at Isaac again and then back at Smith and Wesson who opted to flop down in the mess and take a nap.

“Isaac, what happened?”

Isaac looked indignantly at his partners in crime. “We was making a cake for Merlin’s welcome home…but Smith an Wesson are not very much help at all.”


	12. Order and Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First disagreements are always difficult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Order and Chaos  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie/Ian, Don  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 295  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Anyone you recognize is not mine.  
Summary: First disagreements are always difficult  
Note: Conference Wives  
Sequel: [Intermediary](http://dance-the-code.livejournal.com/92715.html)

“Don, I need you to come to the house.”

“Ian? Is something wrong?”

“Yes. Something is wrong. I need you to come to the house.”

Don hung up the phone and hurried to the craftsman.

Ian sat on the front steps, waiting, his dogs lying on the porch.

Don took stock of the situation, no flashing lights, no fire, no gushing water or blood, no noxious smell of chemicals…no crater…no tapioca…no sign of Larry.

“Uh, Ian…what’s wrong?”

“Charlie and I have had a disagreement.”

“Ah…what was this disagreement about?”

“I organized a few things in the house…so there would be some semblance of order…”

“I can already see how well that went.”

“Yes…well, he came home and began creating the re-semblance of disorder that meant he could find things.”

“And?”

“He said I was in the dog house as soon as he could build one.”

“Ah…what happened next?”

“Wesson ate some of his chalk and threw up.”

“Ian…can you tell me where Charlie is now?”

“At Home Depot.”

“Why?”

“He said he needed to get materials.”

“Ian, I really doubt he is going to actually build a dog house and make you sleep in it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Don…I need help.”

“Ian, you get to spend more time with shrinks than anyone I know…”

“No, I need help apologizing to Charlie.”

“Ian…I hate to tell you. You’re on your own. I’ve never figured out how to apologize to Charlie…especially since he never seems to be completely aware of what I am apologizing for.”

Ian sighed and hung his head. Smith licked his master’s cheek.

Don shook his head and turned to get back to his car. “Just a little advice, Ian – there’s order in chaos and Charlie likes it that way.”

Ian nodded.


	13. Intermediary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeking ways to make amends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Intermediary  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie/Ian, Isaac  
Rating/Category: PG  
Word Count: 344  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Anyone you recognize is not mine.  
Summary: Seeking ways to make amends  
Note: Conference Wives

Since Don was not going to be any help, Ian laid low. From his position behind the azaleas near the garage he scoped the perimeter after the mathematician’s return for the presence of Isaac.

Isaac entered the backyard, with treats for Smith and Wesson.

“Smiff! Weapon! Daddy says you get treats so you leave his chalk alone!”

Isaac looked around before spotting the wagging tails giving away their master’s location behind the azalea.

Isaac giggled. “Merlin, no playing in the flowers with Smiff and Weapon! They get muddy.”

Ian stepped out from behind the azaleas and sat in the yard with Isaac while Smith and Wesson devoured the treats Charlie picked up at the store.

“Isaac…what can you tell me about Fibonacci flowers?’

“Because you’re sorry and not fibbing?”

“Yes, I am very sorry I reorganized the house without telling your daddy.”

“Mmmm…he knows. But there are lots and lots of fibbing not me flowers…the sun ones and the dandy lions and the spiney cones, but they’re not really flowers they’re more like wood and the dolphin ones and Meva had lots and lots of fibbing not me flowers in the garden…” Isaac picked blades of grass.

“Does your daddy have a favorite Fibonacci flower?”

“Mmmmm, I dunno. He liked the dolphin ones and the spiney cones.”

Ian wondered if Isaac was actually being helpful as neither one of these things sounded like something he could identify in a garden.

“Isaac, how bout you take Smith and Wesson back inside, if they’ve also been forgiven by your daddy. I need to find some flowers.”  
“Mmkay…Merlin?”

“Yes, Isaac?”

“Daddy has to forgive Smiff and Weapon a lot of times. They are lots of trouble. You’re not lots of trouble.”

Ian smiled. “Thank you, Isaac.”

Ian stood in the backyard and waited for Isaac and the dogs to enter the house, repeating over and over to himself, “spiney cones, dolphin ones, spiney cones, dolphiney ones, spine cones, dolphiney ones…pine cones and delphiniums.” Ian felt rather proud of himself as he headed for the local garden supply.


	14. God’s Gift to Mathematicians

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Okay, it's just a little tiny fic and I am still sorting out e-mail and none of my files are transferred to the new computer - but look, fic!!!

Title: God’s Gift to Mathematicians  
Characters: Don, Charlie  
Word Count: 202  
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it’s not mine  
Note: Conference Wives

Don watched Charlie happily fuss with a strange object on the kitchen counter.

“Uh, Chuck? What are you doing?”

“Making dinner! Making brisket!”

“Chuck…it’s nine o’clock in the morning.”

“No, Don, you have to see this, you have to check this out, it is the most wonderful thing.”

“Uh, it’s a kitchen appliance of some variety, how wonderful can it be and when will it explode and burn down your house?”

Charlie glared at Don. “Ian gave it to me.”

Don took a closer look at the strange object. “That’s nice, Chuck… but how is it wonderful.”

Charlie put the lid worshipfully on the appliance. “Simple, I put stuff in it, in this case, beef broth, apple cider, onion, carrots, potatoes, brisket and half a bottle of kosher beer, a little pepper, a little salt, some garlic and a bay leaf. I flip this little dial to low and I leave it alone all day. I can go do math, I can help the FBI, I can play with Isaac and when dinner time comes, it is brisket. It’s dinner. It’s…God’s gift to mathematicians!”

Don looked closer at the marvelous device. “Chuck, it’s a crockpot.”

“Don, do not insult it, it makes brisket!”


	15. In Memorium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Memorial Day.

Title: In Memorium  
Series: Conference Wives  
Author: Dance the Code  
Disclaimer: Own nothing, this is fanfic, Poem Bivouac of the Dead by Theodore O’Hara, written in memory of the Kentucky troops killed in the Mexican War 1847.  
Spoilers: None  
Word count: 934 (1,522 if the poem is included)  
Summary: It is Memorial Day.

Colby stared at the uniform in the closet for a long moment and then shut the door. He looked back at David sitting on the bed and shook his head.  
“Not this year.”  
David nodded. “Okay. Pick out a movie, I’ll call for pizza.”  
Colby nodded and walked away from the closet.

The muffled drum's sad roll has beat  
The soldier's last tattoo;  
No more on Life's parade shall meet  
That brave and fallen few.  
On fame's eternal camping ground  
Their silent tents to spread,  
And glory guards, with solemn round  
The bivouac of the dead.

Charlie watched Ian dress, calculating each item’s purpose and symbolism as the dress uniform covered the scars and tattoos. He watched light reflect off buttons and boots, all shined to a fare thee well.  
“Are you and Isaac coming?”  
“Is it a good idea?”  
“I don’t know… I want you there and some of the guys know already.”  
“But not all… we’ll take separate cars.”

No rumor of the foe's advance  
Now swells upon the wind;  
Nor troubled thought at midnight haunts  
Of loved ones left behind;  
No vision of the morrow's strife  
The warrior's dreams alarms;  
No braying horn or screaming fife  
At dawn shall call to arms.

Don watched Cooper carefully.  
Cooper shook his head.  
“Yeah, Eppes… you light the grill.”  
“You sure Coop?  
“Eppes, I have never done this before, you light it.”  
“Okay, Coop.”

Their shriveled swords are red with rust,  
Their plumed heads are bowed,  
Their haughty banner, trailed in dust,  
Is now their martial shroud.  
And plenteous funeral tears have washed  
The red stains from each brow,  
And the proud forms, by battle gashed  
Are free from anguish now.

Larry sat in a chair in the living room and flipped through an expanding file. He read reports and looked at pictures.  
Megan watched. “Larry?”  
“Fellow researchers on defense programs, ones who have passed. Ones whose names will not be on any of the monuments people visit today.”  
Megan nodded and walked over to pull Larry to his feet and draw him over to sit with her on the couch.  
“Tell me.”

The neighing troop, the flashing blade,  
The bugle's stirring blast,  
The charge, the dreadful cannonade,  
The din and shout, are past;  
Nor war's wild note, nor glory's peal  
Shall thrill with fierce delight  
Those breasts that nevermore may feel  
The rapture of the fight.

Alan posted the sign in his new front yard. The condo was nice, though too quiet. He would work on that.

“Support our troops. Bring them home”

Like the fierce Northern hurricane  
That sweeps the great plateau,  
Flushed with triumph, yet to gain,  
Come down the serried foe,  
Who heard the thunder of the fray  
Break o'er the field beneath,  
Knew the watchword of the day  
Was "Victory or death!"

Colby stopped the third film and David shook his head.  
“We need a new movie collection.”  
Colby shook his head. “Find the VCR and hook it up.”  
David shrugged and walked into the bedroom to search the back of the closets.  
Too many bombs, too many explosions, too many gunshots.  
Forty five minutes later they sat side by side watching The Great Mouse Detective and inventing drinking games. “Okay, every time someone calls him a rat, drink.”

Long had the doubtful conflict raged  
O'er all that stricken plain,  
For never fiercer fight had waged  
The vengeful blood of Spain;  
And still the storm of battle blew,  
Still swelled the glory tide;  
Not long, our stout old Chieftain knew,  
Such odds his strength could bide.

Charlie lifted Isaac up on to his shoulders so he could see better.  
He stood in the back and personally couldn’t see anything, everyone in front of him was much taller.  
Isaac waved at the soldiers and saluted the marines just like Merlin taught him.  
“There’s Merlin, Daddy.”  
Charlie nodded. “Did you salute?”  
“Mhmm, just like he taught me.”  
“That’s Good.”

Twas in that hour his stern command  
Called to a martyr's grave  
The flower of his beloved land,  
The nation's flag to save.  
By rivers of their father's gore  
His first-born laurels grew,  
And well he deemed the sons would pour  
Their lives for glory too.

Don listened to the voice on the phone and nodded. “Okay Dad, as long as you behave. Charlie and Ian will be here after the parade and ceremony at the memorial.”  
Cooper watched Don.  
Don chuckled. “No, we probably have enough food, don’t bring anything.”  
Cooper looked at the various food options spread out over the counter, the table and around the grill. Unless the sniper was bringing the rest of the marines over with him, they definitely had enough food.  
Don hung up the phone. “Dad will be over soon. Sounds lonely.”  
Cooper nodded. “Yeah, family’s important. We’ll call and warn Ian and Charlie.”

For many a mother's breath has swept  
O'er Angostura's plain --  
And long the pitying sky has wept  
Above its moldered slain.  
The raven's scream, or eagle's flight,  
Or shepherd's pensive lay,  
Alone awakes each sullen height  
That frowned o'er that dread fray.

Larry leaned against her and told stories. Not the stories about the projects and programs his friends and colleagues had worked on before their deaths, the stories about graduate school antics, practical jokes, academic jokes played on government brass.  
Larry smiled, a tear rolling down his cheek, from laughter or sorrow, Megan wasn’t certain.  
“And then Edward convinced the general that the experiment would only work if he wore this terribly ridiculous hat. He told him that the fabric was specially designed to prevent some chemical reaction or other and the general did it. Edward kept a framed picture of the general in that crazy hat in his office until the day he died.”

Sons of the Dark and Bloody Ground  
Ye must not slumber there,  
Where stranger steps and tongues resound  
Along the heedless air.  
Your own proud land's heroic soil  
Shall be your fitter grave;  
She claims from war his richest spoil --  
The ashes of her brave.

Alan took a deep breath. He walked past the sign in the front yard.

“Thank you for your service.”

He walked into the house and out to the backyard.  
Cooper handed him a beer.

Thus 'neath their parent turf they rest,  
Far from the gory field,  
Borne to a Spartan mother's breast  
On many a bloody shield;  
The sunshine of their native sky  
Smiles sadly on them here,  
And kindred eyes and hearts watch by  
The heroes sepulcher.

When the last phalanx past Charlie walked slowly up the hill towards the monument where the service would take place. He  
watched as Ian gave a eulogy for fallen Marines. Isaac patted the top of his head. Charlie smiled. He sent a prayer of thanks that Ian was here and a prayer of peace and gratitude for the ones who were not.  
When the service finished, he and Isaac walked back to the car.  
Isaac looked up at his daddy. “Merlin coming home?”  
Charlie nodded. “Yes, we’re going to have a cookout with Don and Cooper, of course Merlin is coming home.”  
“Okay.” Isaac looked back where Ian was surrounded by fellow Marines. He watched Merlin’s eyes watching daddy and calculated. Something very adult was going on. He waved at Merlin and scrambled to keep up with daddy.

Rest on embalmed and sainted dead!  
Dear as the blood ye gave;  
No impious footstep here shall tread  
The herbage of your grave;  
Nor shall your glory be forgot  
While Fame her record keeps,  
For honor points the hallowed spot  
Where valor proudly sleeps.

Don called Ian first. No answer. Probably still at the parade with the phone on silent.  
He called Charlie.  
“Hello?”  
“Charlie, you on your way back?”  
“Yes, Ian will be a little later, he is surrounded right now, he gave a very good speech.”  
“I’m sure he did. Dad is here for the cookout.”  
“That’s good. We have way too much food to not have extra people around.”  
“You okay?”  
“I’m just very grateful that Ian is here.”  
“I understand, buddy.”

Yon marble minstrel's voiceless stone  
In deathless song shall tell,  
When many a vanquished ago has flown,  
The story how ye fell;  
Nor wreck, nor change, nor winter's blight,  
Nor time's remorseless doom,  
Can dim one ray of glory's light  
That gilds your deathless tomb.

Halfway through the film, David wrapped his arms around Colby and let the other man’s tears fall against his shoulder. He rubbed circles on Colby’s back and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

Megan carefully set the file aside and held Larry close.

Ian extricated himself from his fellow Marines and hurried to his car, to his home, to Charlie.

Don scooped up his nephew as Charlie came through the door.

“Happy Memory Day, Uncle Don.”


	16. Mobius Striptease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie finds something new on Ian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Mobius Striptease  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie/Ian  
Rating/Category: NC-17  
Word Count: 417  
Spoilers: None  
Disclaimer: Anyone you recognize is not mine.  
Summary: Charlie finds something new on Ian  
Note: Conference Wives

Charlie examined the situation for a long minute. “That’s a mobius strip.”

Ian nodded. “Do you like it?”

Charlie ran a finger up and down the design. “It says property of Dr. Charles Eppes.”

“Yes it does.”

“Why?” Charlie continued his examination with careful fingers.

“I ran into a former lover on a case last month and realized that you are likely going to hear things about me…I wanted you to know that I’m yours.”

“Why would I hear things, no one ever tells me anything.” Charlie leaned back.

“Because people can be jealous and petty and may want to convince you that you do not have my heart…”

“So, you got a tattoo…did it hurt?”

“No more really than my others…and Charlie, I’m a Marine, we get tattoos from important things.”

“How did you…wait…no…yes…How did you keep everything, well…”

Ian chuckled. “It’s part of the training.”

“Really?” Charlie’s eyes went wide. “They train you to…ummm…”

“No, not exactly, but the training is transferrable…”

“Fascinating.” Charlie examined the mobius strip again. “Wait…I think I read something about this…”

Ian quirked an eyebrow. “Mobius strips? I’m sure you have…”

“No, the tattooing…where did I put that book?” Charlie leaned over the side of the bed and hunted before coming up with a large book and flipping through the pages. “Here it is, page 142.”

Ian leaned over trying to see the title of the book.

Charlie looked up from the page. “Are you trying to tell me you want me to make you wear a collar and keep you chained to the bed, because I didn’t ask you to do this and I’m not really sure I could do that really all that well…”

“No, Charlie…Charlie, what is that book?”

“Oh, this? I borrowed it from Larry, A beginner’s guide to bondage and domination.”

“From Larry?”

“Yes, I don’t know where he got it.”

“Why did you borrow it, professor?”

“Um, well, I have limited experience and thought maybe you might want me to at least know the basics of some of the kinky so I could keep your interest…but now, maybe I can give the book back.”

Ian smirked. “Yes, you can…after I look through it a few times.”

Charlie blushed. “Well, I do like the sounds of pages 25 through 76.”

“Really, professor?” Ian ran a hand up Charlie’s spine. “I had no idea how kinky you could be.”

Charlie leaned into the caress. “I’m not the one with a mobius strip tattooed around his penis.”


	17. Cliché, but true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dogs and Homework…classic….

Title: Cliché, but true  
Characters: Charlie/Ian, Smith & Wesson  
Summary: Dogs and Homework…classic….  
Word Count: 217  
Disclaimer; If you recognize it, it's not mine

“How am I going to explain this?” Charlie helplessly held up the remains of what had been paper, a lot of paper.

“Charlie, I am so, so terribly sorry…” Ian attempted to placate his panicked lover.

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t eat it!” Charlie glowered at the back door.

“Charlie, they are my dogs…they are my responsibility…”

Charlie sighed. “Ian, they are also dogs, dogs that like to get into trouble and chew things and I think they think it is funny when I yell at them, but did they have to do this?” He held up the paper pulp.

Ian looked a little ill. “Had you been working on it long?”

Charlie looked up at Ian. “It wasn’t mine, exactly.”

Ian cringed. “Larry’s?”

Charlie shook his head. “Ian, your dogs ate the homework of all of my students, two classes worth!”

Ian sighed. “Would it hurt the students too badly to just get As on the assignment?”

Charlie contemplated this. “It would help some of them.”

“Then, let me bribe the professor to give them all As and Smith and Wesson will stay in the backyard for the rest of the afternoon.”

Charlie cocked his head to one side. “And exactly how were you planning on bribing the professor?”

Ian grinned. “Sex, lots of it.”


	18. Rifle Man’s Creed

Title: Rifle Man’s Creed  
Pairing: Charlie/Ian  
Disclaimer/Warning/etc: Don’t own, just causing mayhem. The rifleman’s creed in its entirety shamelessly stolen from the Marines and used for smut. There is a hell for people like me. Slash – is slash really a warning?  
Dedication: For everyone…you know who you are  
Rating: NC-17 (for pron)

Ian was certain that research might be a very, very bad thing.

Especially in the hands of a wily mathematician who had convinced his brother to baby sit for the weekend.

A mathematician who was at this moment examining every inch of him and paying close attention to very sensitive parts of his anatomy… and whispering.

Whispering something very familiar

This is my rifle.

Charlie ran his fingers delicately up Ian’s cock.

There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Charlie leaned down and pressed a light kiss to the head and then swept his tongue down the length of it.

My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

Charlie’s lips whispered over Ian’s balls and then back over his cock again, followed by tentative, light touches and that damn tongue again.

My rifle, without me, is useless.

Ian’s brain was pretty convinced that as soon as Charlie started this process he made certain that particular phrase was true. Although right now, Ian was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to find a target let alone line up his sights.

Charlie swallowed him whole and sucked, hard, for just a moment, and then released Ian’s cock with a light pop sound.

Without my rifle, I am useless.

Hands again, stroking and teasing every inch, not just Ian’s cock, but other sensitive parts that Charlie must have been cataloguing from the first moment they started intimately getting to know each other. That callused place on Ian’s shoulder that only Charlie seemed to know how to use – the one where his rifle usually set, but if Charlie touched it, Ian became a live wire and God forbid…if Charlie bit it….well…

I must fire my rifle true.

Charlie bit down on that callus in the hollow of Ian’s shoulder, Ian came with a shudder, but he knew Charlie wasn’t finished yet. Charlie bent down and cleaned Ian’s stomach with his tongue.

I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...

Charlie played with him, stroking soft, yet firm, making certain that Ian’s cock was willing to endure further analysis and experimentation.

My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...

Charlie nibbled on the inside of Ian’s thigh and licked a pattern down to Ian’s left knee that could have possessed some mathematical significance, though Ian was not entirely certain of that. He knew this creed. He knew what was coming.

My rifle is human, even as I, because it is my life.

Charlie nuzzled his cock, causing it to twitch. Ian took a deep breath and kept his hands where they were. Charlie was in charge right now.

Thus, I will learn it as a brother.

Ian was now certain he would never, never be able to look Don Eppes in the eye. No. Not in this lifetime, as the visions now playing behind his eyes were far, far too lovely, far, far too dirty to ever see the light of day and if he looked Don in the eye, he was certain, Don would know.

I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my rifle clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Ian lost track of where Charlie’s fingers and tongue and teeth were traveling over his body. Ian was certain that his knees were made of jell-o, just as he was certain that if Charlie requested it, he could use his cock to bore a hole through concrete… though he really hoped Charlie wouldn’t ask him to do that.

Charlie moved and Ian was immediately aware of it. Charlie had stopped his ministrations and was now paying very close attention to Ian’s eyes. Ian stared back into Charlie’s eyes, wondering what the mathematician was thinking, planning, plotting…but those eyes revealed nothing.

Then, everything, as Charlie positioned Ian’s cock exactly where he wanted it and sank back onto it. Ian felt all the air in his lungs leave in a single breath. Charlie set the tempo, slowly at first and then just a little faster, startling himself when Ian’s cock brushed his prostate.  
Ian took a breath and leaned forward, Charlie reached for Ian’s shoulders to steady himself and Ian rolled them back, toppling Charlie to the foot of the bed.

His control dissipated as soon as Charlie was under him. Charlie surrendered, easily, freely and Ian reveled in it, claiming Charlie as his, holding him close and tender while setting a maddening pace towards mutual climax.

Charlie cried out with a shudder and he tightened his grip on the mathematician, whispering in Charlie’s ear.

Before God, I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace!


	19. If wishes were fishes, the Koi would have issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: If wishes were fishes, the Koi would have issues  
Disclaimer – if you recognize it, tis not mine  
Characters: Smith and Wesson, the Koi  
Note: Conference Wives  
Word count: 219

Koi fish number one, as he was always the first to start any swimming pattern for their school, dove deeper into the small pond, willing the others to follow him as the shadows returned.

First the one on the left, then the one on the right.

He contemplated the new situation and wondered what they had done.

This was always a terrible thing to wonder, as he knew he would forget that he even wondered it in a matter of minutes, let alone tomorrow when he knew, in his loose concept of tomorrow, that the shadows would return.

He had always been a good Koi, hadn’t he?

The shadows moved and he tensed, knowing by instinct more than distant memory what was coming, the water was warm after all, so it must be a hot day in that other, non-water world out there.

The Koi moved as a unit under one of the outcroppings of rock near the bottom of the pond and waited.

Smith and Wesson stole one glance over their shoulders at the house.

No movement.

As a single unit they jumped into the Koi pond, frolicking in the water and every so often dipping their heads below the surface of the water to see if maybe, just maybe, this time, they could catch those pretty fish.


	20. Preparing for the Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry questions Charlie’s attempts to combine traditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Preparing for the Hunt  
Pairing/Characters: Larry, Charlie/Ian  
Rating/Category: PG-13  
Word Count: 378  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Larry questions Charlie’s attempts to combine traditions  
Note: Conference Wives  
Disclaimer – if you recognize it, its not mine.

“Charles, are you in here?” Larry peered into the depths of the garage.

“Yes, Larry…is Isaac still with Ian?”

“Yes, he is writing mathematical equations on eggs with crayons in the kitchen.”

Charlie nodded. “I hope Ian knows what he’s getting into – he said he’d eat the eggs, but I’m not sure if Isaac will let him break the shells once he has written math on them, he’s rather possessive of his output.”

Larry steepled his fingers and examined the variety of items on the desk in front of him. “Creating a religious fusion?”

Charlie quickly removed a series of items from the desk. “Yes…well, sort’ve. Alexis was Christian and Eva was Orthodox, so Isaac was living in a dual faith household. He just sided with Eva and I think that was mostly because I was also identifiable as Jewish…but well, Ian is Anglican, so I guess I’m jumping at the chance to have as many traditions as possible to pass on to Isaac.”

Larry nodded. “So, you are filling plastic eggs in the garage for his Easter basket?”

Charlie looked at the desk again. “The ones on the desk are his. We’ll hide them in the yard – no Easter basket, mostly because Ian and I both forgot in the rush to fix the house up for Passover.”

Larry critically examined the desk and then leaned forward to look at the drawer that Charles was attempting to hide from his view. “Charles, what are those?”

“These? Umm, they’re plastic eggs.”

“Those are different from the others on the desk.”

“Yes, Larry, they are. If they weren’t different they could get mixed up.”

“What are they for Charles?”

“A different Easter egg hunt.”

Larry picked up a small packet from the desk. “And I suppose the contents includes these?”

Charlie leaned across the desk and grabbed the single-use lemon-flavored lube from Larry’s grip, dropping it into the drawer with the camouflage-printed plastic eggs.. “Don’t you have something you could be doing with your quantum entanglement, like…I don’t know, contemplating suspension and restraint?”

Larry contemplated this a moment and then a slow blush covered his cheeks. “Well, “ he coughed “Charles, I see you have this well in hand and I think…I will be going now.”

“See you later, Larry.”


	21. Preparing for the Hunt, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie’s attempts to combine traditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conference Wives

Title: Preparing for the Hunt, Part II  
Pairing/Characters: Charlie/Ian  
Rating/Category: PG-13  
Word Count: 289  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Charlie’s attempts to combine traditions  
Note: Conference Wives  
Disclaimer – if you recognize it, its not mine.

Ian sat with Isaac at the kitchen table watching Isaac’s amusement as the crayoned eggs were dipped into the various dyes making his equations standout on the newly colored eggs.

Charlie entered, concealing a plastic bag behind his back. He leaned over and gave Isaac a kiss on the forehead. “Having fun, Isaac?”

“Mm-hmm, see Daddy, this one says Pi.”

Charlie smiled. “That’s right.” He set the bag on the floor and rolled Isaac’s sleeves up a little higher.

Smith and Wesson snuffled the bag at Charlie’s feet. Charlie scooped it up. “No, not something the two of you need to get into.”

Ian chuckled. “I thought you were going to hide those outside?”

“I hid the eggs for Isaac outside. These are for you.”

Ian looked warily at the bag. “Is this what you were talking to Cooper about?”

Charlie shook his head. “No, I got this idea from Don.”  
Ian relaxed slightly. “Well, Isaac, do you want to hunt for your Easter eggs in the yard while your daddy hides my Easter eggs or do you want to dye more eggs and wait for daddy?”

Isaac contemplated this and dropped a hard boiled egg into a cup of dye, spilling the dye onto the table. Both adults scrambled for paper towels as Smith developed a bright green Rorschach test on his left flank.

Charlie shook his head. “Outside may be a good idea.”

Ian nodded. “Okay, Isaac, let’s go hunt Easter eggs, if your daddy is going to hide some for me, I’ll probably need some practice.”

Isaac giggled. “Okay, Merlin.”

Charlie watched the two hunt eggs through the glass door a moment before slipping upstairs to quickly hide the camouflaged eggs for Ian in the bedroom.


End file.
